chocolate #28: longing ; verse: the watch

Title: Can We Just Drive Around?
Verse: The Watch
Character(s): Selma Sears/Declan Winters
Rating: PG
Warnings: None
Prompts: chocolate #28: longing
Toppings: None
Extras: None
Canon: Yes
Spoilers: Somewhat
Description: Declan drives Selma home.
Note: None because all context is uber spoilers I am so sorry.

Declan pulls the car up outside of Selma’s place and puts on the handbrake. Neither of them move.

“You know the worst part of not existing?” he grumbles. “I can’t get car insurance!”

“So how are you driving?” Selma asks.

“I mean, it doesn’t take insurance to drive,” he says, glancing over at her. They’re still not moving. “I just have to make sure I don’t get arrested for speeding or something, but honestly it’s not like Anna can’t—” He makes a hand gesture that somehow means smooth things over to both of them. “I don’t have a passport either.”

“That sucks.” Selma pauses. “Were you planning on going somewhere? Out of the country?”

“Nah!” He smiles. “It’s just useful to have, along with—you know—an identity.” He’s laughing and then he sobers right up and looks over at her like he’s just figured something out. “Why?” he says. “Would you miss me?”

Just like that, the atmosphere in the car changes. It’s no longer two friends, it’s Declan and Selma, it’s the two who slept together, it’s the man who’s making her rethink every decision she’s made so far, it’s the woman he’d die for.

“Of course I would.” She glances out of the window. The light of her house is on, she can see Rob moving around in the front room. She sits.

“You ready to go in?” he asks.

The answer, of course, is no. It’s changed in this smooth gradient of suck from yes to maybe to no over the last few months and now she doesn’t know up from down, she just knows she doesn’t want to go in, doesn’t want to go home, doesn’t want to face Rob and his eyes.

“I— Can we just—” She doesn’t know what she wants to ask. Can they just—what? Can they sit? Can they go back to his place again? She wants him to launch across the seats and kiss her brazenly right in front of the house she shares with Rob. She also wants him to leave her here to pick up the tattered shreds of her relationship and try to fix it, because until Declan showed up out of nowhere she was happy or, rather, she thought she was. She thought she was happy until she just wasn’t anymore.

“Just?” he prompts gently. He’s waiting for her to say just stop seeing each other or just pretend we never happened, she can see it all over his gorgeous face.

“Can we just drive around for a while?” she says weakly instead. “Just— Just drive…”

He pulls the car out and starts driving. She slides down in her seat and watches him intently the whole time, until finally he pulls up in the middle of nowhere and idles the car. “I’m sorry.”

“What?” she says.

“I’m—I’m sorry?” he tries. “We— I know things are hard for you now. I never—I never  meant to make things hard for you.”

She stares at him. “We were both there,” she says. “It wasn’t just your responsibility to not—” She can’t say it aloud, which is ironic since she’s always been so verbal before. “It just— It isn’t your fault.”

He stays quiet for a moment, thoughtful. “It is,” he says eventually. “If I’d just stayed gone—”

“No way,” she says quickly. “None of that. No. You deserve to live no matter what, and you know it.”

She hopes he knows it.

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